Endings.. Of happy or not

I finally found a copy of one of my favorite movies, Anna and the King. I watched the movie again and I must say it did not change how I feel towards it. I still love the love story between King Mongkut and Anna. I love the way how they look at each other, full of love and yet restrained by themselves, by tradition, by culture, and by politics. I melt when King Mongkut stares at Anna's eyes. I got swooned when King Mongkut held his hand at Anna for the waltz. All the hairs at the back of my neck stood up when King Mongkut let Anna walk inside the room first before him when he's about to tell her about the Burmese British fight. It made me want to reach out to him when he tried in vain to convince Anna to accept the ring and was frustrated when Anna rejected the gift. I can't help but smile everytime King Mongkut teases Anna ever so slightly. Its as if they are teenage lovers trying to hide their relationship from their parents. And I was disappointed when King Mongkut stopped himself from kissing Anna that night on the beach after reading President Abraham Lincoln's letter to the King. I got kilig for the nth time when King Mongkut tried to hide his smile when he saw Anna at the end of the long line of bowed down people when she returned to help the King on their journey to safety. I got kilig yet again when the King did nothing but stared and stared at Anna while on the boat that even the Head Wife understood what was going on between the King and the schoolteacher. I can't help but cry when King Mongkut held Anna's hands when they are about to dance their last dance. And it hurt even more when the King kissed the woman he loves' hand and placed it on his heart and leaned his cheek on Anna's forehead while they dance to the melody of their hearts. And then, after the movie, I realized that I fell in love with him.. the man behind King Mongkut. Also, I have once again proven to myself that it is indeed true. That not all love stories have happy endings. Sometimes not even True Love ends happily, and for this, I weep.

Pissed off!

Masaya tayo kanina, nung tayo palang. Pero, hindi ko alam kung napansin mo na nung dumating siya, nagbago ang mood ko. Nakangiti ako sa'yo kanina pagdating ko pero nung pumasok siya, automatic ang pagsimangot ko. I caught you ogling at her. Tsk tsk tsk. Lalaki ka talaga. Para akong tanga noh? Ako yung masyadong apektado. Pero ang totoo, hindi naman dapat. Ewan ko ba, sa tuwing makikita ko siya at maririnig ko ang boses niya, nabubuwisit ako. Naiinis ako. Nanggigigil ako. Siguro kasi... wala. Hindi ko alam kung bakit talaga. Ni wala akong sigurong dahilan na maisagot. Naiinis ako sa ginawa niyang pagpuwesto kanina. Naiirita ako. Sana dumating na yung isa para matapos na ang kalokohang ginagawa niya.

Hindi ko alam how to put into words ang lahat ng laman ng dibdib ko. Sana maramdaman mo na tuwing pupuntahan kita at nandoon siya, iba ang pakikitungo ko sa'yo. Nakayuko lang ako, hindi kita tinitingnan at kinakausap. Nagiiwan lang ako ng mga notes sa'yo. Ayaw ko kasing nangingialam siya eh. Ewan, feeling ko, para tayong may sikreto na sa atin lang. Pero ang totoo alam kong sinasabi mo rin sa kaniya. Minsan nga tinitingnan pa niya kung ano ang laman ng notes ko eh. Dun ako lalong naiinis.

Kanina, sinabi mo sa kaniya "mabait ako na bata". Nginitian kita, tumawa ka at siya. Pero ang hindi mo alam, masakit 'yon. At least nalaman kong "bata" lang ako.

Tama na.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiinis kapag magkasama kayo. Gusto ko parati lang kitang nakikita. Ayaw kong mawala ka sa paningin ko lalo na kung alam kong siya ang kasama mo. Shet. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin. Mas gusto ko na ang kasama mo eh yung dapat mong kasama. Hindi siya. Sino ba kasi siya di ba. Alam kong friendly ka pero parang hindi na tama. Hindi lang ako ang nakakahalata. May iba ring nakakapansin. Ano ba ang problema mo?! Hindi na tama, alam mo ba.

Nakakainis lang lalo na apektado ako kahit na hindi naman dapat. Ni hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ang nagrereact eh pareho lang naman kaming walang karapatan. Alam ko kung ano ang tingin mo sa akin at naisip ko na rin na baka mapalitan niya ako sa mga mata mo. Pero yun nga lang ba ang dahilan? Alam mo ba, na ikaw ang gusto kong gawing basehan? Iba ka kasi eh, almost perfect. Sana yung may karapatang sumama sa'yo, dumating na. Kung ano-ano na kasi ang naglalaro sa isip ko pag itong isa ang kasama mo eh. Hindi na maganda. Baka mawala ang respeto ko sa'yo.

Left

A new year has begun. It never occurred to me but I enjoyed the new year's eve celebration and the new year activities. A part of me is sad because I do not know if at the end of this new year will still be this happy but I know that I cannot dwell on negativity on the onset of a new year, right? So I just enjoyed the feeling of happiness. We watched the fireworks from my room's terrace and then had some story telling. The next day, we went to MOA and we had a blast, with my mother. I am having a good start. I think I can say that. And I want to be able to continue this positivity all throughout the year and on the succeeding years of my life.

Happy 2011!