Its sad but I have to...

Sabi ng officemate ko, agawin daw kita. Hindi ko alam kung nagbibiro ba siya pero kung alam lang niya.. naisip ko na iyon. Pero hindi ko kaya. Malaki ang paniniwala ko sa golden rule. Hindi ko gugustohin na mangyari sa akin kaya hindi ko rin gagawin sa iba. But sometimes, I cannot help wondering kung puwede ba maging ako na lang. Pero tingin ko, hindi. Shit, I don't even know what is happening to me. I cannot even process this feeling. I know I do not love you. Its too early for that. But I know that this is not just a simple crush. Otherwise, I wouldn't be bothered to care for you that much when you were sick. I miss you. I think of you. I care for you. And silly as it may be, I get hurt. Hurt for the change in our "relationship". Pakiramdam ko kasi iniiwasan mo ako. Although, walang basehan iyon. I'm over analyzing, I know. It has always been the case. And this is what I really hate about myself. At night, before going to sleep, I pray for me to be able to move on, from Mike, and from you. Gusto kitang iwasan, pero nahihirapan ako. Namimiss ko yung treatment mo sa akin noon. Siguro kasi sa'yo ko naranasan yung hindi ko naranasan kay Mike. Siguro ganon lang ang dahilan. At kung may mas hihigit pa doon, hindi ko na alam. At sana hindi mangyari. Dahil alam kong ako lang ito. Ako nanaman. Masasaktan lang ako. Sana I get to keep you as a friend. A bestfriend maybe. Pero sana, I get to see you also as a friend only.

I want you. You make me happy. Pero I cannot. Its sad.. but I have to let you go. I have to forget whatever it is that you made me feel before. I have to see you as a friend and nothing more. Can't afford to let myself fall for someone who wouldn't catch me. It has already been too much for me. Letting you go. Even if it hurts.