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A new year has begun. It never occurred to me but I enjoyed the new year's eve celebration and the new year activities. A part of me is sad because I do not know if at the end of this new year will still be this happy but I know that I cannot dwell on negativity on the onset of a new year, right? So I just enjoyed the feeling of happiness. We watched the fireworks from my room's terrace and then had some story telling. The next day, we went to MOA and we had a blast, with my mother. I am having a good start. I think I can say that. And I want to be able to continue this positivity all throughout the year and on the succeeding years of my life.

Happy 2011!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday Papa Jesus! Yes, its Christmas day today and I wish to be happy. Oo na, medyo senti mode ako pero sandali lang naman siguro ito. Well, hindi mo rin naman ako masisisi noh, may pinagdadaanan ako eh. Pero nevertheless, kailangan maging masaya. Sa simpleng dahilan na gusto kong maging masaya. Marami rin namang dahilan para maging masaya eh. Una, dahil kasama ko pa si ama. Pangalawa, nahanap ko na ulit yung kanta na gustong-gusto ko nung bata pa ako. Yung theme song ng Butterfly Lovers na pinanonood ko nung high school pa ako. Pangatlo, dahil Christmas nga today. I think its enough reason to be happy.

So ayun, Merry Christmas everyone!!! :-D

Afraid For You To Change

Paano ko ba sasabihin sa'yo na ayaw kong magbago ka. Natatakot ako eh. Kasi baka ngayon na meron ka nang ibang pwede mong kausap, kasama, baka kalimutan mo na ako. Kasi kahit na bali-baliktarin natin ang mundo, hindi ko mababago ang katotohanan na magkaiba tayo. Sa lahat ng bagay magkaiba tayo. Sa ngayon, wala pa naman akong nararamdaman na pagbabago sa pakikitungo mo sa akin pero hindi ko hawak ang bukas. At hindi rin kita hawak. Walang imposible. Sana talaga hindi ka magbago. Sana ako pa rin. Kahit ganito lang tayo. Basta ako pa rin ang apple of your eyes. Pleeaasssseee?!

Apple of Your Eye

I know I am the apple of your eye here, but I know I am but a substitute for the real thing. I feel tingly all over whenever I feel your hand brush against mine. I love the way you turn your head and look at me that day in the car. I like the warmness of your eyes whenever you look at me. I just can't shake this fondness that I am feeling towards you. Even though I know I am just a temporary substitute.

Haunting Me

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nitong mga huling linggo naiisip kita. Namimiss kita. At ang pinaka hindi ko matanggap ay naiiyak ako sa mga naiiisip ko. Alam kong tapos na ako sa'yo. Alam kong naka-moved on na ako. Pero ano ito? Thoughts of you are haunting me and I don't understand why. Pag naiisip kita, parang kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat. I still feel your arms around me. I can still hear your words of love echoing inside me. Minsan sumagi sa isip ko na baka you are my one true love. And then I thought "bullshit! You are not my true love. I have already moved on." Pero sa totoo lang, kapag ba naka moved on ka na sa isang past relationship, ibig bang sabihin noon hindi siya ang true love mo? Equivalent ba ng moving on ang kasiguraduhan na hindi siya ang true love mo?

Normal ba itong parte ng buhay, is this some kind of a bridge between phases of your life that while you are yearning for somebody else, at the same time you are also missing someone in your past? Or is this a perfect truth that you are in denial, and that you kept on going back to that person in your past because the one you are yearning for now cannot be yours and you are just afraid to face that truth because you don't want to feel rejected and be hurt again?

Where?

Too many things to write about, but I don't know where to start. I just want to write and write until I finish what I am supposed to finish. Until I let everything out. I do not intend to rant about useless things. But I want to release every single thing from my mind if it will lighten my burden. So many things have transpired and I cannot seem to find my first landing. I cannot say that I'm confused, more of I am disheartened of the difficulty I am now facing and some more that I will soon face. I do not know what to make of myself. Of my life. Without her, I do not know what to become of me. She has been my strength, my motivation, my purpose. When she's gone, I might as well go with her. I cannot afford to lose another person in my life, and yet I am bound to lose one. If only I can exchange my life with her, I would. If I can "transfer" a few years of my life, I would not think twice of doing it. I just want to spend a few more years with her. Without her, I wouldn't find the purpose of my existence.